Bleeding from everywhere at once,
who could possibly have warned me
that I was the stranger to beware?
For if rescue must come from my hands
then the unhappily ever after is assured.
I am the author of tragedy.
I am nemesis. I am sabotage.
I am the parent of indifference
and disdain and dangerous neglect.
The indwelling coward who hunts me
whispers slyly that no extreme measures
are needed for a self-inflicted coup de grâce.
Just take my hands off the wheel
and let momentum do the dirty work.
You can reserve your front row seats now
for the disintegrating re-entry in real time,
booked worldwide in the pages of facebook
and channels choked by youtube streams.
About the Poem
This poem was completed in rough draft form sometime in 2009 as a very important relationship was cumbling. There were signs and indicators all along the way that the situation could not be salvaged despite my desire and best efforts. But I paid the clues no heed. Love is blind indeed. As I have long said, it takes two people to begin a relationship but only one is needed to end it. But even that rather reasoned perspective does not assuage the hurt of being turned out by someone who had been given the most privileged position of trust in my life. And for a time, I beat myself up for failing to catch the hints. For a time, I considered whether I wanted to be in a world in which he no longer wanted me. In many cases, ending one's life requires doing something. Taking action. But in my case, I discovered a way out that could be taken by discontinuing action. Suffice to say I chose not to go that route.
This poem is previously unpublished in print. This poem was finished November 13, 2012.